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PARENTAL ALIENATION: A CAUSE FOR CONCERN

For many, the concept of an ideal world consists of one in which all children are born into and are raised by two equally loving parents sharing a home together with this child and their siblings. However, this simply is not the reality for many children and I dare say this simply is not the reality for most children in Canadian society today. Combining the rising rate of divorce where close to half of all first marriages now end in divorce, and with more than three quarters of all second marriages now ending in divorce, not to mention the striking number of unplanned teenage pregnancies and of course families where one parent is left widowed, it is not surprising that an ever growing number of children are growing up in single parent families. While for some, this presents a bleak look at the lives of many children today, I would suggest that it is not the fact that so many children find themselves in one parent household that is a cause for concern. The real concern is quite often the lack of interaction between the child and their parents upon the parents' relationship breakdown, separation or divorce because it truly is the child that suffers the loss of this parent and all that this parent has to offer them in life.

For many parents, the dissolution of their relationship or their marriage brings with it such intense feelings of dislike towards their former partner or spouse, that even the thought of having their children spend time with that other parent is unnerving. It is with great pain and sometimes with great anger that a parent passes their child off to their former partner or spouse for time with that other parent. Increasingly, the Courts are seeing situations wherein parents are simply refusing to allow access by the child to their other parent or at the very least making any visits between that child and the other parent next to impossible to arrange due to the already scheduled activities or special events intentionally booked to keep that child from visiting their other parent. Apart, from the obvious running down of this child in terms of booking up their schedules so tightly so as to prevent any visits, or from simply refusing to deliver the children for scheduled visits with the other parent, such children are being robbed of one of the relationship in their lives, a right to which all children are most deserving - the relationship which lays the foundation for the establish of a strong parent-child bond.

It is such interference with the child's ability to spend time with their other parent, or the one with whom they do not reside, that the Court's refer to as parental alienation. The Courts in recent years has put a focus on encouraging the relationship the child and both parents. Throughout our country and for the past number of years, the Courts have been making determinations on custody and access while maintaining their firm belief that it is in the child's best interests to be placed in the residential care of the parent who, along with many other considerations, is the most willing and able to facilitate access to the other parent. It is the Court's understanding and belief that a child, even very young children, should and thrive best when (barring any safety concerns) have regular access and time spent with both of their parents. The Court, without fail, will require that the custodial parent facilitate and in some cases encourage access as between the child and their non custodial parent, while at the same time the Court will consider anything short of facilitation of access and indeed repeated attempts to deny a child access to one parent, is unacceptable.

In fact, most recently, the Court of Appeal in Ontario has determined that even parents whom they deem to be an "otherwise good parent" can be found to be alienating the child or children from the other parent and contrary to their long standing requirement that parents facilitate access to the other parent are simply snubbing the Courts requirement and must be dealt with seriously. The Courts have in fact made drastic changes to custody arrangements were the parent with day to day care and control and residency has refused to facilitate access or who has attempted to prevent regular access with the other parent.

In fact, in a recent case heard at the Ontario Court of Appeal, a mother of two young twin boys who had been providing day to day care and control and residency to the twin boys, had her custody arrangement drastically changed by the Court such that it was not her but rather the children's father that was given day to day care and control and residency of the children. This dramatic change in custodial arrangement arose as a result of the mother's unwillingness to facilitate access between the children and their father, which in turn contributed to the deterioration of the children's relationship with their father. The Court here shows they are not willing to forego the child's best interests if switching custody would be in their best interests and if other sanctions such a fines and jail time for non compliance with access orders set up to encourage the fostering of relationships between the child and both parent are of no deterrent value. The Appeal Court, in this case of Mr. Rogerson and Ms. Tessaro, recognized that the mother was on all other levels a good parent despite her continued attempts to foil the children's relationship with their father in ways such as moving the children from their friends, family and school to relocate to another town, or the children not being permitted to use the telephone to call their other parent or evening by booking the child in activities that coincide with their access time to their other parent knowing that they could then refuse access to the other parent as they had made other plans with the child during that access time. A parent can even be deemed to continue the alienation of the other parent despite Court orders and expert evidence reinforcing the idea that the relationship between a child and both parents is essential to that child. And, when such a determination is made, the Court is not willing to turn a blind eye, but rather will step up and perhaps even turn the custody arrangement on its head, completely reversing the custodial arrangement such that the children remain with the access parent on a full time basis and that it is indeed the access parent who is now granting custody, primary care and control and residency of the child.

There are many individual items hidden within the parent child relationship which the Court considers among them none other than factors such as those pointed out in the Rogerson and Tessaro case as follows, "the father bonded closely with the children, took advantage of parenting courses, established himself as a capable and affectionate parent, participated fully in the children's schooling and extracurricular activities and, finally, appreciated the importance of facilitating the relationship between the mother and the children".

Do keep in mind then that no matter how bothered or disgusted you become with your ex partner or spouse that should you wish to bring hurt to them by preventing them from seeing their child regularly, you may only be heading towards extreme hurt to yourself should a finding of parental alienation be made and your custody arrangement be suddenly spun 360 degrees in the opposite direction and you no longer have that child with you for the majority of the day, the week or the year.

By Vita O. Houlihan
June 14, 2006